Episode 15

Published on:

25th Apr 2021

Sam Farina on Engaging Conflict with Family, Team, and God /Back Channel with Foth

Sam Farina returns to the podcast to have an insightful conversation on a model used to bring resolution to conflict at home, at work, and with God. You will not want to miss it.

Please send questions for Back Channel with Foth to aaron.santmyire@agmd.org

Link to Conflict Wheel

peaking Clearly using the Awareness Wheel

Psychologists have studied what effective communication looks like for married couples for decades. After uncovering what factors contribute to effective communication, some clever people have combined these ideas into a simple model that we share here. This model is known as the Awareness Wheel and Listening Cycle. Communication skills can improve all kinds of relationships. We hope you find this short tutorial useful and even purchase the book if you would like to learn more.

Before we explain Awareness Wheel and Listening Cycle communication, here are some simple ground rules for communication in general:

Rules for the both of you:

  • The speaker has the floor. Don't cut off the speaker or finish his or her sentences.
  • Share the floor (take turns)
  • No problem solving


  • Say "I" statement, Speak for self
  • Share your feelings without putting down your friend
  • Be specific and brief about your perceptions and feelings (2 - 3 sentences)
  • Stop and allow your listener to paraphrase (if the paraphrase is not accurate, politely restate what was not heard the way you intended it.)


  • Choose a "Caring Connection" emotional brain state. You won't be able to listen effectively if you are in a protective emotional state like "Anger", "Fear" or "Panic". See the Feeling Words List
  • Say "You" statements providing a summary of what you heard the speaker say. (The speaker gets the focus)
  • Don't rebut (refute by evidence or argument) but instead paraphrase what the speaker said. Focus on the speaker's message (Don't offer your thoughts yet. Wait until you have the floor.)
  • Invite the speaker to correct saying "Is that right?" or add more saying "Tell me more."

Below is the Awareness Wheel Diagram as presented by:

Miller, Sherod, Phyllis Miller, Elam W. Nunnally, and Daniel B. Wackman. Talking and Listening Together: Couple Communication I. Littleton, Colo.: Interpersonal Communication Programs, 1991. Print.

Awareness Wheel:

The Speaker (from above) will be most complete in his description of an issue if he explains his full awareness. Starting from Sensory Data, the speaker can move clockwise around the circle to avoid confusion about how he stands on any issue.

When speaking, talk through your Awareness wheel using the first person, "I" statements.

Sensory data

Information gathered using your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch

External data: The data you gather from other people.

Verbal, but mostly nonverbal, behaviors: facial expressions, gestures, movement, posture, scent, tones, words

Intuitive sensations: memories, associations, insights, hunches, dreams, intuitions

Bodily sensations: goose bumps, a chill, fatigue, stomach tightness, headache


The meanings you make out of the sensory data you receive - eg. beliefs, interpretations, expectations

Words that signal thinking processes: assumptions, benefits, conclusions, evaluations, guesses, reasons, ideas, impressions, judgments, metaphors, needs, objections, opinions, predictions, principles, values. NB: Influence of Family of Origin, cultural, societal & gender 'norms'


Your responses to your interpretation of thoughts, sensory data & wants in a situation. You can use the brain state feeling word list to describe what you're feeling


Your desires for yourself and for others, short or long term, general or specific

Includes: aspirations, dreams, drives, goals, hopes, intentions, longings, objectives


What you say and do in response to sensory data, thoughts, feelings and wants - relates to past, present, and future.

Actions result from how you process sensory data, thoughts, feelings, and wants

Activities, agreements, commands, commitments, contracts, promises, words

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About the Podcast

The Clarity Podcast
A Podcast for those seeking Clarity in Life and Mission.
The team at Clarity Podcast knows that missional leaders struggle with ambiguity and uncertainty in everyday life and mission. We believe that transparent unscripted conversations with people who care about you will provide clarity, insight, and encouragement so that you can be resilient, healthy, and confident in the decisions you make in life and mission.

About your host

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Aaron Santmyire

Aaron started his career as a registered nurse in 1998, following his nursing education at Allegany College of Maryland. While working as a registered nurse in Lakeland, FL, Aaron completed another facet of his education at Southeastern Bible College in 2000 with a Bachelor of Arts in Missions and Cross Cultural Studies. In 2006, Aaron furthered his training in nursing to receive his Nurse Practitioner degree in Family Practice from Graceland University. He received his Doctorate in Nursing Practice from West Virginia University in 2013. His current credentials are APRN-BC, DNP which stands for Advanced Practice Registered Nurse – Board Certified, Doctor of Nursing Practice. More recently, Aaron completed his Master's in Business Administration from Southwestern Assemblies of God University.

Aaron began his work as a medical missionary in 2002, first in Burkina Faso and more recently in Madagascar. In Madagascar, he treats impoverished patients for general medical conditions as well as dermatology, traveling throughout the country by helicopter and with his mobile clinic. Dermatologic care in rural Madagascar was virtually non-existent prior to Aaron’s arrival in the capital city of Antananarivo. Aaron has used his expertise to provide health education to patients, teach in nursing schools and train local Malagasy physicians on evidence based treatment of tropical skin diseases, including chromoblastomycosis and leprosy. While there, he independently has also undertaken a medical trial to treat a rare dermatologic condition called chromoblastomycosis. His work provides him with a unique set of skills and expertise.