Aaron Santmyire on A Caring Family
The focal point of this podcast episode is a deep discussion surrounding the themes articulated in my latest publication, "A Caring Family." In this enlightening conversation, I have the distinct privilege of being interviewed by Dick Foth, who probes into the essence of the book, which is fundamentally about the pivotal role families play in fostering a culture of care amidst an increasingly uncaring world. Dick asks questions that highlight the intricate narratives that shape our understanding of familial connections and the virtues necessary for nurturing such relationships. Through a multitude of stories—both personal and anecdotal—we elucidate how the practice of caring can be cultivated intentionally within the family unit, thereby instigating broader societal change. As we explore these concepts, we aim to provide listeners with both clarity and encouragement in their own familial endeavors.
Takeaways:
- In this episode, we discuss the profound significance of storytelling within our familial relationships and how such narratives can profoundly shape our understanding of care.
- The conversation revolves around the central theme of Aaron's latest book, 'A Caring Family', which emphasizes the importance of familial bonds in nurturing a caring society.
- We explore the essential virtues of loyalty, courage, resilience, emotional honesty, spiritual focus, transformational awareness, and patience that underpin a caring family structure.
- The importance of intentionally fostering an environment of emotional honesty within families is highlighted as a key element to nurturing deeper connections and understanding.
- We reflect on the notion that true caring transcends mere transactional relationships and is rooted in genuine transformation and commitment to others.
- Throughout our dialogue, we emphasize that the journey of fostering a caring family is ongoing, requiring continuous growth, learning, and adaptation to the challenges of life.
Send questions for BackChannel with Foth to aaron.santmyire@agwmafrica.org
Transcript
Hey there and welcome back to the Clarity Podcast.
Speaker A:This podcast is all about providing clarity insight and encouragement for life and mission.
Speaker A:And my name is Aaron Santemayr and.
Speaker B:I get to be your host.
Speaker A:Today we have the phenomenal opportunity to flip the mic.
Speaker A:So Dick Foth sits down with me.
Speaker A:He takes the chair of the interviewer for the Clarity Podcast and then I'm the guest and he asked me questions about my newest book that's come out, A Caring Family.
Speaker A:It came out in December and Dick and I have been working on getting a date and getting it together.
Speaker A:And so I'm doing this series on family and thought this would work excellent.
Speaker A:So he asked me questions.
Speaker A:It's fun to sit down.
Speaker A:You write a book, you put it together, you think what's going to connect with people?
Speaker A:But he asked me a lot about the stories.
Speaker A:I was recently heard a podcast that someone shared.
Speaker A:You can tell people what to do through information, but you can show them what to do through story.
Speaker A:So the book's full of stories.
Speaker A:It was just interesting to hear what stories Dick thought were interesting and which ones he zeroed in on.
Speaker B:Do want to ask you to continue.
Speaker A:To subscribe, subscribe to the podcast?
Speaker A:I know the podcast I subscribe to are the ones I listen to.
Speaker A:They showing up on my feed on Monday or Tuesday and know what I'm going to be listening to throughout the week.
Speaker A:I'm an avid podcast consumer, producer of this one, but also consume a lot of them and just ask you to subscribe.
Speaker A:Also send in your questions for Backchannel with Foath.
Speaker A:We're going to continue to do that.
Speaker A:Need to work on some episodes coming up in the next few days and so if you can send in some questions that helps us.
Speaker A:We got a backlog of questions.
Speaker B:Some of them are the same from.
Speaker A:The past and so we don't want to repeat the same questions.
Speaker A:But if you have new ones, send them my way and be glad to get them to Dick.
Speaker A:And it's always fun to learn from him, from his wisdom, insight and experience.
Speaker A:Well, there's no time better than now to get started.
Speaker B:So here we go.
Speaker B:Greetings and welcome back to the Clarity Podcast.
Speaker B:So excited to be here today with our friend Dick Foth.
Speaker B:And we're flipping the mic today.
Speaker B:Dick is going to be interviewing me on my book A Caring Family.
Speaker B:So Dick, over to you.
Speaker C:Well, thanks, Aaron.
Speaker C:And I'm sitting here in 2 degree weather in Colorado and you know, if I could be in Kenya, it might be a good thing today.
Speaker C:But yes, I just, I have Enjoyed reading both of your books, A Caring Life and Now A Caring Family.
Speaker C:And the thing that strikes me is that you come from a medical background and by a medical background, you know, as a PhD in nursing, caring is the key in all of that, and that you have a way of looking at and distilling issues that is almost scientific in a certain way.
Speaker C:It has that feel to me, but it's very touchable.
Speaker C:And so because you tell stories about yourself, it's immersed in.
Speaker C:Immersed in all of these experiences you have from childhood on.
Speaker C:So why did you call it a caring family?
Speaker C:I mean, it may be obvious, but I want to know why.
Speaker B:You know, I think it's a follow up from A Caring Life.
Speaker B:You know, I wrote A Caring Life, you know, how we Can Impact the trajectory of an Uncaring World.
Speaker B:And in the process of writing that, I began to think, you know, where did this motif.
Speaker B:I think we and I were talking about this motif or this passion I have in life for caring, where did it come from?
Speaker B:And I think a lot of it in my life came from my family.
Speaker B:It was my parents.
Speaker B:And I tell stories in the book about that on how that began to bold and shape me.
Speaker B:Of course, nursing.
Speaker B:The ethos of nursing is caring.
Speaker B:And the reality of it is I wish that I would have did some things different as I raised my family.
Speaker B:So the idea is, I believe if we're going to change the trajectory of an uncaring world, it has to begin in the family.
Speaker B:And this is just the book and why I named it that.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:My.
Speaker C:My experience with nurses, by the way.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:Is that they do two things.
Speaker C:I'm sure they do 28 things.
Speaker C:But these two, it's just is that they, either either overtly or covertly, either my presence or whatever, are telling me, we're going to help you, I'm going to help you.
Speaker C:And the other thing they do is that they pat you.
Speaker B:So their therapeutic touch, we're taught in nursing school.
Speaker B:You're taught from the beginning on.
Speaker B:I used to think it was hokey in school when they would touch it, but it's amazing the connection you have when you pat or touch somebody, which I think.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's interesting that you pointed that out.
Speaker C:Well.
Speaker C:And there's a sense in which reading this book is a therapeutic touch in a very real sense, I'm quoting you here, that you want to focus on the role that family plays in reshaping our world into a caring one.
Speaker C:So it's not just that you're talking about the family you're talking about the family in place, in terms of influence.
Speaker C:And one other point you make, if I may, is to say whatever happens in a caring, in caring functions, it's intentional.
Speaker C:It just doesn't, you know, happen by osmosis necessarily.
Speaker C:You got to want to do it.
Speaker C:So in, and so in, in writing your book, you focus on something you call virtues.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:Why.
Speaker C:Why did you call them virtues as opposed to qualities or characteristics or things?
Speaker C:You ought to try or talk to me about that.
Speaker B:You know, I think obviously I love Jesus and this comes out of my heart for Jesus.
Speaker B:And virtues are things that are morally good.
Speaker B:And I think virtues are also things that you learn over time.
Speaker B:I don't think you arrive at it, say, I now have the virtue of this.
Speaker B:It's something you're continually learning, you're continually growing.
Speaker B:And it's something, it's a cumulative effect.
Speaker B:And I think that for me as a father, that was one of the things I challenged, was challenged with, you know, I can, you know, I got a lot of education.
Speaker B:You know, you get rewarded, affirmed in certain places, but investing in your family, that's.
Speaker B:It's a virtue.
Speaker B:It's a day in, day out.
Speaker B:It's something that you see the cumulative effect.
Speaker B:You have to be willing to step back and see the long view and the cumulative effect of that.
Speaker B:And so I think that's why I chose virtues, because it's something that we continually hone, we continually work on.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:They're morally good.
Speaker B:Obviously that comes out of my love for Jesus Christ.
Speaker B:But at the same time, it's not like, hey, you read this book and you're going to get it, and you do these three steps and you'll have these virtues and you're like, you have a caring family, but it's something you do.
Speaker B:We're continually learning and growing, and that's, that's, that's the reasons for virtues.
Speaker C:Okay, so I'm going to, I'm going to name, not necessarily in sequence, but I'm going to name the virtues that you speak to in this.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:And in speaking to them, you, you lay out a principle, usually several times, but you illustrate it with your own life or, or others.
Speaker C:So let's, let's go with the first one.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:Loyal.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:Why loyalty?
Speaker B:You know, I think loyalty is impacted.
Speaker B:You know, I tell the story in there of my mom and, you know, my mom passed away in November.
Speaker B:And the loyalty that I've seen in my family, without being willing to, being loyal to something, it's Very hard to care.
Speaker B:It's very hard to be engaged because it means that you're.
Speaker B:You're loyal means you're engaged in something, even if it's not fun, it's not interesting, it's not necessarily for your best interest.
Speaker B:And I share in there.
Speaker B:You know, the idea of.
Speaker B:In our world today, loyalty, the world word has kind of changed.
Speaker B:It's always become transactional.
Speaker B:Rather than.
Speaker B:To me, loyalty is something that's transformational.
Speaker B:You know, when I'm loyal not to something that's unethical, immoral, illegal.
Speaker B:I'm not.
Speaker B:I'm not saying that.
Speaker B:But I am saying when I'm loyal to something, even when it's not fun, when.
Speaker B:Even when it's inconvenient, it's amazing to see what it does in me and what it doesn't.
Speaker B:It doesn't others.
Speaker B:And so I share the story in there of, you know, of my.
Speaker B:My grandfather and how, as you know, growing up as a kid, it was something in our family that.
Speaker B:That was modeled this loyal loyalty to God and loyalty to others and caring for others even when it wasn't inconvenient.
Speaker B:You know, my.
Speaker B:I grew up railroad family.
Speaker B:And when I became a missionary, traveling and itinerating, I would go to these churches and, you know, these people would say, hey, you know, I really, really thankful for what your parents did for us during a difficult time.
Speaker B:You know, they helped us out financially.
Speaker B:Well, my parents didn't come for money.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So we didn't.
Speaker B:We didn't have much.
Speaker B:But then I'm.
Speaker B:I'm finding my.
Speaker B:My parents have paid people's mortgage payments.
Speaker B:They've done all these different things.
Speaker B:And, you know, as an older.
Speaker B:As dad, he said, you know what?
Speaker B:God's been faithful to us and we want to be loyal to him and what he asks us to do for others.
Speaker B:And so a lot of that, the reason I chose loyalty, because I think that's one of the basic things.
Speaker B:If we're not willing to stick in there and care for people and model that when it's inconvenient, maybe not necessarily fun, push back against the cultural idea that, hey, if I'm loyal to you, there's a financial benefit for me.
Speaker B:I love Chick Fil A.
Speaker B:You know, I eat a lot of Chick Fil A.
Speaker B:I like grilled Southwest grilled chicken salad.
Speaker B:And you get points.
Speaker B:But it creates this idea that somehow Chick Fil A's loyalty me because they're giving me loyalty points.
Speaker B:But it's a.
Speaker B:That's A transaction.
Speaker B:But what I'm talking about is loyalty is transformational in myself and in others.
Speaker B:And so that's, that's why I chose loyalty to start off with that one.
Speaker C:Okay, well, and I, I encourage you, if you haven't, to check out Chick Fil A's chocolate milkshake.
Speaker C:I just put that out there for you.
Speaker B:But I'm a big fan.
Speaker B:I'm a big fan.
Speaker C:That's good.
Speaker C:One of the, one of the comments you make or notes you make in that passage on loyalty is that loyalty provides stability in a, in a transactional world, in an up and down world, in a world that makes young people for sure and older people right along with them anxious.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:That to know I have somebody who's for me.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:That way is really.
Speaker C:Okay, here's another one.
Speaker C:Courage.
Speaker C:Yeah, talk to me about courage.
Speaker B:You know, courage is something I.
Speaker B:It's not something that comes natural to me.
Speaker B:And I think I'm in probably innately a fearful person.
Speaker B:But to be willing to care for others and to have a caring family is not passing on your fears and your anxieties to your kids.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And to the rest of your family.
Speaker B:And so this, this is another one that I didn't, I didn't get.
Speaker B:It's not necessari got right and got perfect, but it's necessary in a world that is probably more anxious and more fearful than it ever has been.
Speaker B:If we're going to have a caring family, we have to be instill and have this idea that the courage is something that we're going to live by.
Speaker B:Like Psalms 27.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:As Christians, we believe the Lord is my light and my salvation.
Speaker B:In whom shall I fear the Lord?
Speaker B:He's the stronghold of my life, and whom shall I be afraid?
Speaker B:And so I wish as a father in my family that I would have been more focused on, on the foundation of Christ and the courage that we get from him to care for others rather than the scientific mind of thinking all the things that could go wrong.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We'll never care for anybody.
Speaker B:And it's hard to instill that into our family if we're concerned about all the things that could go wrong.
Speaker B:If we care for people, we live in a diverse world today.
Speaker B:I grew up in Wally Ford, West Virginia, grand metropolis of 150 people.
Speaker B:But the world's changing and we the, you know, the world's come to our doorstep in the United States.
Speaker B:And to care cross culturally, it takes courage because we're going to.
Speaker B:Some days we're going to get it right.
Speaker B:Some days we're not going to get it right.
Speaker B:Sometimes we're going to be rejected.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's not going to be all perfect.
Speaker B:But my parents were in our family.
Speaker B:They were able to give me the.
Speaker B:That loyalty.
Speaker B:I didn't have to worry that my parents were for me.
Speaker B:You mentioned that, you know, I didn't have to worry about that.
Speaker B:So then that gave me the courage to try to step out and care for people because I knew that they were always going to have my back.
Speaker B:And then that build courage up in me.
Speaker B:And you didn't always get it right, but then to.
Speaker B:Then to be able to pop back and do that.
Speaker B:So that's courage to me is another one.
Speaker B:If we don't have that virtue and it's not something you can just say one day, hey, I've arrived.
Speaker B:I'm courageous.
Speaker B:You know, it's something.
Speaker B:So it's something that's built up over a long period of time.
Speaker B:Cumulative effect.
Speaker B:And then as a family, I think as parents, we have the opportunity to give our kids the riverbanks, to step out and be courageous and to encourage that and to encourage that and to praise that in this time and in this season, when probably the world is more anxious and fearful than it ever has been.
Speaker C:You know, I like it that the word courage, the root word for courage is heart.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Here comes Jesus in the middle of the storm, walking on the water, and he.
Speaker C:And he just says, take heart.
Speaker C:Be courage.
Speaker C:Why?
Speaker C:Because I am.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:Don't be afraid.
Speaker C:I just.
Speaker C:I think it was Aristotle.
Speaker C:Not positive, not a great philosopher, but I think it was Aristotle that said, courage is the essential, is the base line, virtue.
Speaker C:Every other comes out of that.
Speaker D:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:No, it's, it's.
Speaker B:And throughout scripture, you know, we look throughout scripture, it's, it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:Throughout scripture, there's, there's, there's examples of that and just the amazing things that we can see.
Speaker B:So, yeah, courageous.
Speaker B:I love to say, Dick.
Speaker B:It's something that comes natural to me.
Speaker B:It's not, you know, I was the kid that went to bed.
Speaker B:You know, my mom and dad and my sisters would make fun of me.
Speaker B:We would, we'd watch a show and I would go to bed 10 minutes before the end of the show because I wanted to be asleep before everybody else went to sleep, because then if something bad happened, I'd be, I'd sleep through it, you know, I mean, but that was in my mind, like this fearful mind as a kid.
Speaker B:So I figured, you know, if I Was asleep, I didn't have to worry about it.
Speaker C:But, yeah, there's a good thought.
Speaker C:And that's not going to sleep early.
Speaker C:Not even a virtue, but it might be good.
Speaker C:Okay, here we go.
Speaker C:Resilience.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, resilience is once again, as I talked about you, have you asked about loyalty?
Speaker B:That gives you a foundation, that gives you the stability, courage, you know, it gives you strength.
Speaker B:But if we're not, we don't have that built in.
Speaker B:Resiliency to back.
Speaker B:Bounce back to a new normal.
Speaker B:It's very hard to have a caring family.
Speaker B:It's very hard to have a caring life because it's a.
Speaker B:The reality of it is that we, when we care for others and we're going to.
Speaker B:We want to impact the world, which I believe the family can.
Speaker B:If we're not resilient, we're in a.
Speaker B:We're in a difficult place.
Speaker B:And that, that was modeled to, you know, as, once again, to my family, it was modeled.
Speaker B:It wasn't necessarily something I necessarily modeled to my family in the sense that, you know, how did, how did I bounce back and how could I encourage them to boun back and not.
Speaker B:And move, not move away from things that were difficult, but to be willing to engage, to be able to say, hey, we're going to bounce back to a new normal even when things don't go how we thought they were going to go.
Speaker B:But to have a caring life, it's vitally important.
Speaker C:It's interesting because we're here in the United States.
Speaker C:We're in football season, right?
Speaker C:And the thing you hear the commentators say is, well, they're down in the first half.
Speaker C:Let's see how they bounce back.
Speaker B:Yes, true.
Speaker C:A mentally tough.
Speaker C:This is the language they use.
Speaker C:Mentally tough.
Speaker C:And so.
Speaker B:Okay, and I think.
Speaker B:And on that football theme, Dick, the other thing is, is they, you, the football announcers were saying, what adjustments will they make at halftime?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:What.
Speaker B:What adjustments are they going to make at halftime?
Speaker B:And I think that's part of being resilient, right, Is to say is to see what didn't work and then how, what adjustments could we make into the.
Speaker C:End of the second part, you know, and isn't it.
Speaker C:Because if I, if I run into something hard and I let it define me, then I don't, I don't know that I can bounce back that, that sort of thing.
Speaker C:And having, having parents or grandparents in our stories, no matter how all the relationships work, you know, I look at some of these folks from generations before us and, you know, My parents were part of what they call the greatest generation.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:You talk about resiliency.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker C:Going, you know, World War I, Spanish flu, stock market crash, Great Depression, World War.
Speaker C:And I look at them and say, wow, you know, that's a model, isn't it?
Speaker B:So emotional honesty, you know, emotional honesty, I would say I was probably in my family uncomfortable with.
Speaker B:And I talk in the book, uncomfortable with what I would consider the negative or they're not negative, but those different feelings that we walk through.
Speaker B:And as I share in the book, too understanding, I wish I would have had the opportunity to share with my kids when they were younger.
Speaker B:There was a difference between this is what emotions are, this is what feelings are, this is what mood is.
Speaker B:And as a scientist, you know, when I started writing the book, I started looking.
Speaker B:There's not one clear definition scientifically that differentiates between all those things.
Speaker B:And so it's vitally important because if you're talking about emotions and they're meaning feelings.
Speaker B:Feelings, they mean emotions, you can be having two different conversations.
Speaker B:So emotions are those things that are objective, they happen immediately, and we can control how we respond, but we can't necessarily, if there's a tiger, the emotion of fear or whatever that comes up, that's natural.
Speaker B:Those are hormones.
Speaker B:Those are things that naturally arise up in our body.
Speaker B:Feelings are how we process those emotions, and they're subjective.
Speaker B:But to be emotionally honest in our families, when we're discouraged, when we're down.
Speaker B:And I just felt like as a father, I needed to redirect my kids at all times.
Speaker B:And that kind of, as I share in the book, we went through a family debrief and a time of family counseling.
Speaker B:And my kids, you know, they said with the counselor, said, you know, we've never felt like we could share emotions or feelings that were not joyful and happy like you always want us to be, joy.
Speaker B:That's what's allowed in our home.
Speaker B:Joy and happiness.
Speaker B:But if we're angry, if we're upset, if we're frustrated, if we're irritated, you always wanted to re center us to, well, you got a good.
Speaker B:Life's joyful, life's happy.
Speaker B:And I think it was a coming home to me because then if we're going to care for others and we're uncomfortable with anger, if we're uncomfortable when people are hurting, it's very hard to care for people if we want to continually revert away from that.
Speaker B:And so I think that's the importance if we're going to, you know, the subtitle or the book is to care better and love longer.
Speaker B:If we're going to care better and love longer, we have to be able to come internally okay with those different types of feelings and emotions and at the same time be able to sit with people that are also walking through those things and not feel this sense of redirecting.
Speaker B:And I think as a father, I thought, you know, if, well, if my kids are angry or they're upset, you know, they're going to get depressed and you know, you catastrophize these situations that it's just going to turmoil and this could be the story of their life.
Speaker B:So, you know, walking through there saying, you know, let's spend, you know, not a Timer, but spending 10 or 10 or 15 minutes sitting them with them in those, then those emotions and feelings and then being able to have conversations other ways.
Speaker B:But I, I think as a father, I tried to redirect into first 30 seconds rather than giving them the opportunity to be emotionally honest with me and not put up barriers.
Speaker C:We're it's dads.
Speaker C:I don't know if it's true for every dad, but it's true for you.
Speaker C:I think it's true for me is that if there's a challenge, we want to fix it.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:Let me this thing to fix it.
Speaker C:And they don't need us to fix it.
Speaker C:They need us to listen, I guess, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, and ask questions.
Speaker B:You know, I don't think I even ask questions about it.
Speaker B:You know, my.
Speaker B:As you said, dick, I was jumping in to fix it mode.
Speaker B:But I would just encourage parents.
Speaker B:This book is not written that you're going to get all the answers.
Speaker B:I think what the book does is help you to begin to ask questions.
Speaker B:And so it begins to ask questions.
Speaker B:What are you focusing in on your family?
Speaker B:But then when it comes to being emotionally honest, when our kids are frustrated or irritated, ask questions about it and listen and listen rather than, you know, my thing was to recenter revert, get, let's get back to joy and everything's good and, and move on.
Speaker C:I think, I think that chapter is a, is a pivotal chapter in a lot of ways because if, if we're always the answer people and not the question answer askers, you know, nobody's going to open up, are they?
Speaker C:I think that's, that's really, that's significant.
Speaker C:And this book, if I can just put this parenthetical comment in the middle of our conversation, this book is, is, is both a theological, philosophical base for looking at life and family Relationships.
Speaker C:But it feels also sort of like a manual.
Speaker C:It isn't step one, two, three and a little bit like a workbook, but it's an interactive book.
Speaker C:You toss out questions after the chat and so forth.
Speaker C:So spiritually focused.
Speaker C:That's a virtue.
Speaker B:It is a virtue for me because, you know, if we're going to care for others, we have to have a source of where we're going to get that, the ability to care for others.
Speaker B:And, you know, for me, obviously for you and I both, this is Jesus Christ.
Speaker B:You know, I was, I think the opportunity that I see in our families when it comes to caring is to tell the testimonies of the things that God has done.
Speaker B:You know, my kids, we long drives in the car and my wife would always say, hey, tell a story, tell a story.
Speaker B:I, you know, I didn't want to tell a story.
Speaker B:You know, I want to listen to music or something.
Speaker B:But I think if we sit down and you and I have had a lot of time together, Dick, to hear stories of how God has intervened in our lives.
Speaker B:And what it does is say, you know, what there is.
Speaker B:God is in control.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker B:Steve Cust shares, you know, five things that we're not, right?
Speaker B:We're not.
Speaker B:We're not omnipotent.
Speaker B:He's omnipotent, right?
Speaker B:We're not.
Speaker B:We can't be omnipresent.
Speaker B:We can't be everywhere at one time.
Speaker B:God is omnipresent.
Speaker B:We can be in one place.
Speaker B:You know, we can't be omniscient.
Speaker B:He's omniscient.
Speaker B:He knows all things.
Speaker B:You know, we can't make everyone happy.
Speaker B:And really the affirmation that we need is, comes from our heavenly Father.
Speaker B:And the third, the last one is, you know, we're not perfect, but I think when we spiritually focused, if we're going to have that inner family to care.
Speaker B:Recognizing the impact that you and I and I make today when we care for someone, sometimes we're not going to see that it may take time, it might take, be generational.
Speaker B:And that's been in my family.
Speaker B:I tell the story in there about my, you know, being on a, on a back, back country roads, you know, take me home, West Virginia story.
Speaker B:And how that's, you know, that, that thing when God intervened in our family's life had a profound impact on my mom, had a profound impact on me that God cares that he's present, he's all powerful, he's all knowing and we can trust in him.
Speaker B:And so I think that's as we care.
Speaker B:It's not just the temporal impact that we're making, but it's, you know, it's the eternal impact that we're making and helping our, our families understand that and walk in that.
Speaker C:I think that, and I think your core thought that spiritually focused gives rise to hope and creativity because we see the bigger picture.
Speaker C:That's really a really a truth.
Speaker C:Okay, we're, we're coming up to number six here.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:Transformational awareness.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker B:So transformational awareness is, is this, this idea that in our world today I think there's more tools out there that we can help our kids understand their personality, they can understand their giftings and their talents, all these different things.
Speaker B:But the reality of it is is we want to take all those things.
Speaker B:And Steve Cus shares about this also.
Speaker B:We want to take self awareness, others awareness, God awareness, culture awareness.
Speaker B:And then we submit those to God to ask him to, to transform us.
Speaker B:And not just to say, hey, this is who I am, accept it, or this is how other people are accepted, but to allow those things.
Speaker B:And when we.
Speaker B:Transformational awareness allows us to care for others in a better way.
Speaker B:And kind of back to that.
Speaker B:You know, in the Bible study that I wrote for, for the book I tell, I think one of the most impactful as you look through the Bible stories of family, the idea of, in the story of Jacob and Esau and you know, there's tension between those two brothers, Jacob and Esau are fighting.
Speaker B:You know, one of the last things you see in interaction with Jacob and Esau is Esau says he's going to kill his brother, he's going to kill Jacob.
Speaker B:And then Jacob is Jacob.
Speaker B:He goes through all the different things and you know, he indecides, you know, he feels God wants him to go back and meet his brother Esau.
Speaker B:So he does.
Speaker B:He makes that trip back.
Speaker B:And in the transformation that you're beginning to, we get to see in Esau is.
Speaker B:So Esau goes for somebody who wants to kill his brother.
Speaker B:And then when he's face to face with his, his brother Jacob, he forgives him.
Speaker B:But scripturally, the only, the only child of Jacob's that is mentioned by name in the scripture is Joseph.
Speaker B:So Joseph watches, he watches his uncle Esau forgive his father Jacob.
Speaker B:And so then you fast forward now in Joseph's life when his brothers throw him into a pit and they do all those things, Joseph is then in front of his brothers.
Speaker B:And it doesn't say in scripture, but it's hard for me to Think it's not that he doesn't remember.
Speaker B:And recall back to when his uncle Esau forgave his father Jacob.
Speaker B:And he saw that.
Speaker B:He saw that demonstrated.
Speaker B:He saw that modeled.
Speaker B:And then he's in front of his brothers, and then he has the option, can he take vengeance just like Esau could have taken vengeance on Jacob?
Speaker B:Or can he give forgiveness because he's been transformed by what God's done in him?
Speaker B:And it shows.
Speaker B:It talks about in Joseph.
Speaker B:Joseph recognized how he feeling.
Speaker B:He recognized how his brothers are feeling.
Speaker B:He sees God in the story.
Speaker B:He understands the cultural awareness.
Speaker B:And what does Joseph do is Joseph forgives.
Speaker B:He forgives his brothers.
Speaker B:So when I think of transformational awareness, I just see this possibility that we can take all these different types of awareness and just not say, I'm more aware, but allow God to transform us to do a work in our lives so that we can move forward.
Speaker B:And I just.
Speaker B:That scripture example for me is just kind of the hallmark of it.
Speaker B:And maybe somebody listened in, said, aaron, you're reading into the scripture.
Speaker B:I might be a little bit.
Speaker B:But it's just hard for me to get past the point that Joseph is the only one mentioned.
Speaker B:And then you have Joseph, you know, when he's in front of his brothers and he forgives him.
Speaker B:So anyway, does that make sense?
Speaker B:You're a theologian, Dick.
Speaker B:Am I reading too much into the Scripture?
Speaker C:I might not be a theologian, but I'm old and I've experienced that.
Speaker C:I think that's a powerful story and a powerful observation.
Speaker C:You know, you're concerned about reading something into the text.
Speaker C:You know, when you.
Speaker C:When you.
Speaker C:When you go to seminary or whatever, and they train you in what they call hermeneutics and how to deal with.
Speaker C:How to handle scripture or understand, you know, they.
Speaker C:They talk.
Speaker C:They call it exegesis, what you get out of the text.
Speaker C:If you're reading something into it, they call it isegesis.
Speaker C:If you haven't studied for the test and you need.
Speaker C:Thank you, Jesus, but excuse me, I apologize for that.
Speaker B:You good?
Speaker C:No, I think that's a powerful.
Speaker C:A very powerful expression and story to absolutely illustrate what you're talking about.
Speaker C:Okay, last one.
Speaker C:Patience.
Speaker B:Patience.
Speaker B:The one that is from.
Speaker B:None of these come natural to me.
Speaker B:To me.
Speaker B:So patience, you know, I think it's.
Speaker B:It's, as I said earlier, seeing the God of the long view.
Speaker B:And the reality of it is we live in a world that's instantaneous.
Speaker B:We want to see instant results.
Speaker B:And as a caring family, allowing and giving, cultivating A place where our kids, our grandkids, nieces and nephews can see what patience does is it's modeled out.
Speaker B:I tell the story in there of, you know, of going fishing with my dad and how I, at a young age, catching a big fish and the game warden came and I realized that I was not patient, didn't want to be patient.
Speaker B:But to care for somebody, to care for somebody individually, to care for this world and those that are in it, it takes patience.
Speaker B:But I see our world drifting away from patients.
Speaker B:I don't think that will be something that would describe the American culture today, that it's a patient culture.
Speaker B:But to care for people, it takes time.
Speaker B:It takes time to sit down, as you said, listening, asking good questions.
Speaker B:But if we're just rushing through, it's really hard for somebody to feel like the basic human needs.
Speaker B:You know, Dick, you and I have shared your book Known, but, you know, the basic human needs are that I belong, I matter, and I'm known.
Speaker B:And it's really, if we don't have the, this virtue of patience in our life and if we're not distilling it into our families, it's really feel, it's really hard to feel like you belong if somebody's just rushing through and there's, there's no patience when they care for you.
Speaker B:They're just rushing through to get a job done.
Speaker B:You talked about the nurses, you know, that they're that therapeutic touch that takes time and that takes intentionality and that takes patience.
Speaker B:It's not just something you rush through, it's something that's thought out.
Speaker B:It's something that's intentional.
Speaker B:You belong, you matter.
Speaker B:I think the times in my life when people have been patient with me, sat with me, cared for me, it made me feel like that I mattered to them.
Speaker B:And this was not just a task to get through, but it was something that they could patiently sit with me and they were known.
Speaker B:You've written, obviously written and shared a lot about being known.
Speaker B:But I think when someone patiently sits beside, cares for us and recognizes this is a long term thing, this is not just something that's short term.
Speaker B:We feel known just by them.
Speaker B:And I think it helps us know that the Creator, that God loves us and he knows us and he sees us.
Speaker C:You know, I'm not a counselor psychiatrist or the son of a counselor psychiatrist, but, but way over the last few years, somebody, I think they were in the military, used this phrase, which is a, I understand a common phrase in, in therapy or counseling situations.
Speaker C:And it Talks about being a non anxious presence.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's it.
Speaker C:That, that idea is captured in patients.
Speaker C:I, I'm, I'm with you.
Speaker C:I am.
Speaker C:If you talk to Ruth, if she were on this call and we're not going to put her on this interview, she, if I, if, if you were to say is, is Dick a patient person?
Speaker C:There would probably be a very long pause because you want to say, well, I didn't at times.
Speaker C:I, you know.
Speaker C:But our friend Mark Batterson says it this way.
Speaker C:Some, Somebody's going to read this book and say I'm going to take these seven things.
Speaker C:We're going to get it down.
Speaker C:We're going to go through the, our family with this in a year.
Speaker C:And, and his comment and I, I don't know if it's his or he got it some, but it just says we tend to overestimate what we can do in three years and underestimate what can happen in 10.
Speaker C:And I think if we're walking with the God of the long haul, that by osmosis that shows up in us along the way.
Speaker C:Well, first of all, thank you for writing this book.
Speaker C:Thank you for taking the time to, through both insight and vulnerability research.
Speaker C:You know, you say you're this high intensity cat that listens to 15 podcasts a week and you got five books going every.
Speaker C:I mean, you know, there's, there's a comedian, he's a clean comedian in our cult days by the name of Nate Bart Getzi.
Speaker C:He came from down in Tennessee like you come from in West Virginia.
Speaker C:He said, he says, I'm not a reader.
Speaker C:You know, he said, I look at a book and it's just words and they just keep coming.
Speaker C:I mean, he says, could you just put a couple blank pages to catch up?
Speaker C:Well, your head doesn't need time to catch up.
Speaker C:But I think that giving us a template like this to find someplace to stand, you know, that old.
Speaker C:I think it's Archimedes principle about give me a place to stand and I'll move the earth.
Speaker C:You know, I think that's this, the thesis, the theme of this book feels that way.
Speaker C:It's some places to stand that help us move the family fortune down the road.
Speaker C:I don't mean money, I mean impact.
Speaker C:And thanks very much for writing this.
Speaker C:And how can folks get this?
Speaker C:I mean do they send you three bucks and.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's on Amazon.
Speaker B:It's where most books are sold.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:And you can get it that probably Amazon's where most people get their books these days.
Speaker B:But it's there, it's in Kindle form and it's in book print form.
Speaker B:Yeah, I would encourage Dick.
Speaker B:I, you know, I a quote.
Speaker B:Arthur Brooks says that you can be unique and special or loved and known in life.
Speaker B:And I think I spent some, a lot of my earlier years trying to be unique and special.
Speaker B:And I hope this book is an encouragement to families, to mothers, fathers Grant, you know, grandparents have as much impact.
Speaker B:They have a lot of impact in their grandkids lives these days.
Speaker B:I mean they have a ton of impact and just this idea that you know, unique and special doesn't get you very far in life, you know, but being loved and known man, that that's, that's where it's at.
Speaker B:And so I think that's encouragement for people that would get the book reading the Bible study if you wanted to go through it with a group.
Speaker B:Lots of stories.
Speaker B:Our your friend Bob Goff says you can teach somebody, you know, with information, but you can show somebody through story.
Speaker B:And you know there's a lot of stories in here that just trying to show and, and demonstrate that, you know, I haven't always got it right, but just some ways to be encouraged.
Speaker B:We're all on the same journey.
Speaker B:But one encouragement I'd have for people is being unique and special is not what it's all it's cut out to be.
Speaker B:And when you get to be unique and special, you're going to be disappointed.
Speaker B:But if you're loved and known, man, that, that lasts tonight, that lasts a lifetime.
Speaker C:On that note, I think we're going to stop.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Hey, will you pray for the listeners, Dick?
Speaker C:Sure will.
Speaker C:We're going to stop this interview and start looking at these ideas and these, these experiences that'll help inform us going forward and help us grow a caring family and be part of one.
Speaker D:Amen.
Speaker C:Lord, thank you for this time.
Speaker C:Thank you for Aaron and for their family, Heather and so forth.
Speaker C:Thank you for the fact that he has taken the time to frame in language, in story, in principle things that if we take them to heart, we find their roots in scripture and they can have eternal consequence.
Speaker C:Help what we do in our temporal lives have eternal consequence because somebody, especially those closest to us, feel heard, cared for, loved, challenged and walked with.
Speaker C:We are so grateful for everyone listening to this around the world that somehow your touch will be theirs this day.
Speaker C:In Jesus name, amen.
Speaker B:Amen.
